What is true love?

I think only until recently I started to understand what true love is, or at least had glimpses of it. We hear about love all the time, from the movies, books, our friends and our own experiences. But the more I start to understand what true love is, the less I think people actually know about it. Hence, I feel the urge to write about it. Before I go on exploring what I think true love is, I would like to say a few words about what true love isn’t.

First, being in a relationship (or even being married) doesn’t mean you understand what love is. And not being in a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t experience love. Love is independent of relationships. Of course, it would be ideal to experience love in a relationship, and I think that should be the basis of any relationship, but unfortunately, too many people these days got into relationships for the wrong reasons (money, power, lust, age etc.). Another point I want to add is that being in a relationship is probably not the best thing for love to grow (this, I will explore further later).

Being attached is also not love. Attachment stems from the need of the ego. Whenever there is ego in place, there cannot be true love. Attachment can only bring you troubles and pains whenever there is a mismatch between expectation and reality. Love is not trouble/pain/suffering/jealousy contrary to many people’s belief.

When you truly love a person, it simply means you love this person unconditionally, period. When it is unconditional, there will not be trouble/pain/suffering because you do not expect anything in return at all. You just love. Your love won’t stop just because s/he does not do something you expect or give you anything in return. If the person responds reciprocally then it’s a pleasant surprise, if the person doesn’t respond, then it’s also fine. There is no “if…then…” in true love.

People these days are even afraid of “falling in love”, that’s because of their misconception of what love is (they think love is emotional drama/jealousy/trouble/pain –this is the kind of love that people with no/low consciousness experience most of the time), if they know true love, then they would not be afraid of “falling in love” as one cannot fall in true love. One can only rise in true love. And when you give,you give with joy, you give lovingly and freely.

True love is understanding, supportive, pure, patient, kind,forgiving, compassion… it is unconditional. You love the whole person, as just s/he is, not as you would like him/her to be, whether it’s good and bad, right and wrong, it doesn’t matter. 

However, this doesn’t mean you love blindly. True love also requires wisdom. Sure,you can do anything for your loved one and give anything unconditionally, however, you should not do the things that feed his/her egos or be afraid to tell the truth when it is necessary, this is because if you truly love the person,you want the best for him/her, i.e. to bring the best side of him/her.

True love is an extremely pure spiritual force, a flowing energy. True love is freedom. You don’t want to confine person in any ways when you truly love him/her. Because you know once the person is restricted, s/he might cease to be the person you love. As Osho famously said:

“If you love a rose, don’t pick it up. 

Because if you pick it up it dies and it ceases to be what you love. 

So if you love a flower, let it be.

Love is not about possession, love is appreciation.” 

That is why I said earlier being in a relationship may not be the best way for love to grow, as once people are in a relationship, they may start taking each other for granted, and also feel they are stuck in the relationship (it’s really our human nature to prefer freedom).  This “ship”certainly sinks a lot of people.

A relationship probably only works (i.e. to remain being in love) is when both parties are mature (conscious) enough to understand what love is and know how to love wisely.

Also, one should understand that one cannot really love twenty-four hours as we all have other obligations in life, so it’s good to give enough space for each other. In my view, the ideal relationship is when two independent and mature people come together as one, but still remain their independence and authenticity.

Love is a flowing energy, it may come and go. And it's either flowing through you or you are blocking it. Two people should only be together when they want to be together, and when they don’t want to be together, they should not be together. When the relationship is by force, then it normally would not last.

I also feel that one has the capacity to love many people in life, not just one person. So if the person you are currently in love with does not respond reciprocally, do not be despair, it probably means two things :

1) the timing is not right;

2) God has a better plan for you.

Please always remain positive in life and en joy life to the fullest, surrounding yourself with the loving energy that is from within, to realise that you are the source, you are love, you are it.

If you are an enlightened (or almost enlightened) person, you are able to love everyone and everything in life unconditionally, with wisdom. That is when you experience the bliss, the oneness in everything, there is no me and you, we are one.



PS. I also received a quesition from a reader in the inbox, but I only saw it after a few days so couldn't reply him directly. Here I wish to answer his question.

Q: How can I control my mind from thinking about nonsense and how to stay focus in class and during meetings? 

A: The reason why your mind is sometimes out of control is because your consciousness is still quite weak, at least weaker than your mind, so your mind cannot be controlled. Therefore, you must raise your consciousness in order to control your mind rather let it control you. The best way to raise consciousness is through meditation (if you like exercise, then I would also recommend you can try out yoga or taichi).  

When you are in meditation, try to observe your mind like a third person, when you see your thoughts, try not to resist them in a negative way, instead, you can tell them "yes I know I'm thinking of it, but now you can go." (Acknowledge them, but don't engage with them, when you see them coming, drop them). 

Of course, it takes practice. Hopefully you will start meditating soon and become the master of your mind and emotions ;) 

Love, Peace & Bliss




(All photos are from the internet)

Anjali Love