So I Heard You Are a Free Spirit


This has happened to me a few times, so I feel the urge to speak up.

Sometimes I am a bit reluctant to label myself a free spirit, although I am definitely one. I don't live a conventional lifestyle. I can never follow the 9-5 (I would literally die).  I live spontaneously without a routine and like to create in the moment.  

I don't follow conventional values if they don't agree with my heart. I'm a free and independent thinker and not easily influenced by others' opinions. I despise social construct such as marriage openly. Freedom to me is the top priority. Anything that makes me feel restricted will have to go. I'm always open to new experiences and have insatiable wanderlust (and wonderlust) for life. 

In fact, I believe every human being was born a free spirit. It is only when we grow up, our parents, other people and society start to tell us what to do, what not to do, what we can or can't, how we should live our life, how we should be obedient, to conform and behave... 

We were all born free spirits, but some people may have forgotten when they grew up. I forgot too, but then I remembered a few years ago and started to claim back my own power. 

However, the problem of calling yourself a free spirit in the society is that people often misunderstand what it means, particularly if you also label yourself a wild woman on top of that (which I do, unashamedly). Some people may associate a free spirit, a wild woman as someone who sleeps around, fucks with anyone. 

Although I'm all for free love, polyamory and open relationships (Hey I'm an Osho Sannyas!). And I do have quite an open attitude towards sexuality, I talk about it, write about it, go to tantra retreats to learn about it, and also aspire to be an emerging tantra teacher to teach about sacred sexuality. Still, this does not mean I sleep around. Quite the contrary, I am highly selective, the more I evolve on the path, the more selective I become. 

This is because tantra is not just about sexuality. If it were only about sexuality, I would have lost interest quickly. Tantra is about genuine heart to heart connection. Sacred sexuality is about sharing and exchanging divine energies. I will only have tantric sex with someone if I feel deep in my heart that I have a strong, genuine connection with this person. 

I was perhaps more open to exploring during my younger age (still very young, I mean even younger age), but I have gone passed my explorative stage, and now I only want to manifest a sacred partner to do tantric work together. 

Sacred sexuality shall only be performed with a partner that you feel there is a deep, genuine heart to heart connection. Otherwise, it is rather meaningless. Maybe there is the form (the candles, the burning intense, the music, the tantric massage), but if there is no genuine heart to heart connection, then the essence is missing. It is just like one night stand with a romantic set up, although it will still be better than conventional one night stand, but you wouldn't want to do it often. 

So sometimes when I met someone for the first time, they knew that I am a free spirit (as per my profile), and they might suggest that we should go and have sex (even after only having lunch for the first time), or explore tantric sex together, since 'I'm a free spirit and you are also a free spirit,' justified the other person. 

I chuckled, 'Sorry, not that kind of free spirit.' 

Yes, a free spirit can be quite playful and wild. 
But a free spirit is someone who would only listen to his or her heart. 
If it is not in our heart space to do it, then we would not do it. 
A free spirit belongs to no one but her heart. 

As empaths, we may also not be very good at saying no, rejecting others, afraid that we may hurt or upset other people. But I realise sometimes it's better to say no, to be strong and firm, so there will not create any unncessary confusions and misunderstandings (I'm still trying to get better at this one). 

When one says no, one shall be straightforward. No apology needed. 

Sometimes I prefer to be silent, not rendering an answer at all. But at other times, I feel it is better to speak up. The problem of saying no is that other party may expect you to explain - 
'Why, I thought you were a free spirit.' (Again, free spirit is a phrase that has been grossly misunderstood). 

Because there is no why. 
Because human attraction is mysterious (see my article here). 
Because if I'm too honest with you, you may not be able to take the answer. 
Because I'm not attracted to you, I know exactly the person I want to manifest. 
I'm only drawn to energy and vibration. And again this realm is mysterious. 

Also, free spirits are often bold feminists, and if we are really interested in you, we will act. We understand the balance of giving and receiving, but we will not be afraid to tell you that we like you. If you don't hear from us, it is most likely that we are not so interested. 

So to all the free spirits, do speak up if you feel uncomfortable or being misunderstood. 

To all the women, do say no when you want to, and there is no need to feel guilty, no need to apologise, no need to explain why. It is your birthright to say NO.



Love & Light