The Mystery of Human Attraction


I am always fascinated by human connection, especially human attraction - what makes one person particularly attracted to the other? What makes two people find each other mutually attracted? And why? 


Do not seek the because.
In Love, there is no because.
No reason, no explanation, no solutions.
- Anais Nin


Human attraction is indeed mysterious and sometimes not at all logical, like feelings and intuitions, all the wonderful things in the world that transcend the limited logical and rational mind. 

Anais Nin was wise to point out that in love there is no because. But as I am writing an article on human attraction, I still like to share my perspectives and experiences on this topic, with a mental approach to some extent, meanwhile acknowledging the unfathomable enigma surrounding it. 

I like to think that there are five types of human attraction - physical, emotional, intellectual, sexual and spiritual (for people who are on the spiritual path). 

From my experience, I could feel attracted to different people on different types of attractions and range from various intensities. 

I've experienced incredible physical, emotional and sexual attractions with someone, but not so much intellectual and spiritual attractions (although the other person is also intelligent and spiritual). And vice versa, incredible emotional, intellectual and spiritual connections, but not so much sexual. It is relatively rare to connect with someone who ticks all the boxes. And on the rare occasions that you do connect with a kindred spirit who is compatible with you all levels, he or she may live on the other side of the planet. 

Also, attraction can be extremely fluid. It can be temporary, varying from moment to moment, not necssary longlasting and constant. Sometimes we may experience a strong attraction towards someone, but when we reconnect again, the attraction we thought, or imagined, or projected, may not have been there. Afterall, change is the only constant in life. 

I’ve experienced magnetic attraction with someone to the extent I thought I met my soulmate for the lifetime (turned out to be rather karmic - just means we both have work to do – which is a good thing). After half a year, the attraction had somehow faded, perhaps because we lived in different cities and did not communicate as often, and when we reconnected again, after I had explored my sexuality, the magnetic attraction seemed to have disappeared. However, after a few months later when we again reconnected as friends, the attraction seemed to have come back again. 

Sometimes we may feel attracted to someone, but we may not necessarily pursue it as we can be at different stages of life and have different goals. 

Attraction is indeed mysterious. To require all types of attraction to fall onto one person and the other party is also equally attracted to you, want to love you and spend his or her entire life with you, also to have the attraction remains constant– it is truly an onerous task (one reason why I think conventional marriage can be rather unrealistic). 

Of course, one may not need to have all types of attraction. You can prioritise which types of attraction mean more to you.  After having walked the spiritual path for some years, personally, it is now unimaginable to date someone who is not on the same path. Spiritual, sexual and intellectual are the top priorities on my list. I am not necessarily attracted so much by physical, although I do admit that I am often drawn to beautiful people and things. However, if I find the other types of attractions are not there, I lose interest quickly. 

My yoga philosophy teacher from India once said a woman perhaps needs six men in her life to satisfy all her needs (and the same goes for men too I’m sure). My yoga philosophy teacher was really something. Whenever he came into class, his presence was so powerful, we all fell into silence. And when he started to speak, we fell into a state of hypnosis, a trance state. And when he started to chant mantra, we felt as if we were floating in the air.  When I first saw him speaking, he had this striking bright golden aura around him like Buddha’s golden aura that is often seen in paintings. I’ve never seen such a bright golden aura around anybody (sometimes I can see auras around people). For a moment, I thought I went blind. I thought I was dreaming. I rubbed my eyes, but no, I was in a yoga philosophy class. When I asked another student if she could see it, she said no, but she saw something that resembles a Merkaba star on his forehead and she drew it out in her diary. 


I also find the more I understand myself, the more clearly I know what I want. I've gone passed my explorative period and I am quite clear about the type of person I want to manifest. I believe it is much easier to manifest a compatible partner if you understand what you want and have a great understanding of the self. 

Also, the more you have evolved, the higher your standard will become (the standard I am referring here is not an objective thing, but rather subjective and personal). That is why social dating app like Tinder perhaps will not quite work for spiritual people. The standard selection criteria on Tinder is purely based on the physical, although one can judge a bit of intellectual and perhaps spiritual connections from the profile, but still one cannot feel the energy, the aura, and genuine connection simply by swiping photos. 

There is no need to worry though. The Universe is abundant and everything is connected by energy and vibration, so trust that you will meet your desired partner with similar vibrations when the divine timing is here. 

Also, one thing I have learned is that one cannot force attraction and chemistry. It is either there or not. If it is not there, one shall let go and focus on oneself, always prioritise your soul’s mission instead of pleading and begging for the other person to love you (this would not work no matter how hard you try, especially for people who are centered and know what they want).

The only way to become more attractive is to work on yourself, to be the person you want to date, to be your own soulmate. And trust that when the divine timing is here, your desired soulmate will manifest in front of you, perhaps not only one single soulmate, but multiple soulmates. And perhaps twin-flame too! 


Love & Peace



Poetry books:

My second poetry This Eternal Romance is now available for pre-order

Debut spiritual poetry book Songs from the Soul is also available


Upcoming workshop (Melbourne):

Rumi: the Path of Love & the Wisdom of Heart

18th March, 2-4pm, Summerhealing Yoga Somachi Studio (Collingwood)

You can book here