My First Experience on Psychedelic
A few days ago a friend suggested that he wanted to try magic mushroom with me. I thought for a bit and agreed. First, I've heard a lot of good things about magic mushrooms and psychedelics in general and my curious mind always wanted to try and experience something new. I tried weed once but didn't feel anything. I heard magic mushroom is quite different from weed, so I thought I would give it a go. Although on the back of my mind, I did have a bit of concern that this said friend (an ex-lover) may not be able to hold space for me if anything happened. But still, my curious mind wanted to experience and see what happens.
A bit of background information: I don't drink alcohol (I'm allergic to alcohol and have Asian flush). I don't smoke (I don't really like the taste not to mention the adverse health effects on your body), I also don't drink coffee (coffee puts me to sleep)... I got on the spiritual path without taking any stimulants, and have experienced intense mystical experiences (third eye opening, Kundalini awakening, out-of-body experience, experiencing different dimensions, lucid dreaming, etc.), again without taking any stimulants.
So we took some magic mushrooms after giving the blessing, and we also put some music on (these mushrooms are quality mushrooms that handpicked by an experienced expert in the forest). About five to ten minutes in, I did feel more relaxed and open and started dancing naked (which I also do at home when I feel high). About half an hour/45 minutes in, I experienced slight hallucination, seeing the wardrobe starting to change shapes, the lamp started to move, this I also have experienced when using incense in meditation or sometimes when I am just really in the present.
I did feel that the present moment was more enhanced. I also felt my body became softer as if I was melting and just surrendered to the present, appreciating the details more. I also felt a bit wishy-washy, a bit dizzy, my body felt weak. But that was pretty much it.
My friend, on the other hand, seemed to trip pretty hard and he was so excited and wanted to share the experience and also wanted me to talk about my experience. I, on the other hand, felt very silent within and did not want to talk at all. I also felt I could not utter a word.
'You don't want to talk, that's not fun.' remarked my friend.
I realised how much I wanted to be with someone who could hold space for me in that moment (not someone who asked me to talk or explain anything). Also, I wanted to be silent. If not, I'd rather be with myself. So I left hurriedly. I couldn't even explain myself; it was as if a force was forcing me to leave, NOW, the inner voice was so loud I couldn't ignore. If anything, the psychedelic makes the answer clearer to you, the answer you already knew within.
My friend was a bit pissed how I just left without explaination. The thing is why do I have to explain myself, sometimes I just feel and I just do. Sometimes I just don't want to explain and don't want to talk (and sometimes it's hard to explain why I feel what I feel, although I want to be a writer, I do feel words are limited to describe the intricate inner world, or maybe my language ability is limited to describe what I experience within.)
Nothing is worse than you just wanting to be silent and someone wanting to talk...(later my friend explained he simply wanted to check on me and see if I was alright - I believed I had indicated I was alright and expressed the wish that I didn't want to talk - I felt if I said any more it would just drain too much of my energy). The thing is no matter how much you want to connect with someone, but when you are on different frequencies, it just won't work. And I'd much rather prefer being on my own. Also, I found the more I talk, the more people may misunderstand, so a lot of times I choose to stay silent, something is better unexplained.
Then I decided to walk to the nearby beach, and on my way to the beach, I did feel very much in the present, I stopped and smelt the roses, I talked to the birds (which I also do sometimes), I felt happy, blissful and at peace 😌🍃 then I took a nap on the beach. That was pretty much my first psychedelic experience... almost close to nothing except it enhanced a bit more than what I normally experienced.
I feel the reason why psychedelic had a very little effect on me was that I've already experienced this altered state of consciousness, I've already experienced the multidimensional realities. I've already seen things flowing (sometimes when I'm very much in the present), different colours and patterns forming (sometimes in meditation), trees, flowers, birds talking to me, existence talking to me, Universe talking to me all the time without the need to take anything.
In Ram Dass book 'Be Here Now', he also mentioned that he gave high doses of LSD to Maharaji (Neem Karoli Baba), and Maharaji took a whole bottle of pure LSD, and nothing happened to him. He just laughed. It's simply because his consciousness is already very high. He is highly awake and has already experienced (perhaps he is enlightened). Your 'tripping' is merely his reality.
If anything, I feel that psychedelic enhanced the present moment a bit more and made me more aware of the answers that I already knew within. I feel that I 'trip harder' when I meditate, dance, whirling or simply write or create in the stream-of-consciousness. My imagination also takes me on wilder journeys.
However, I do think that psychedelic is good for people who have not experienced the altered state of consciousness. It's good for people who have not been on the path or are very new to the path. It will help them to open up to other dimensions.
On the other hand, if the answers are quite clear and you are already living in this reality, then it's perhaps not necessary. I feel by meditating regularly; one can get there. And when I say meditation, I don't mean just silent sitting - dancing, singing, writing, painting, anything that brings you to the present is a form of meditation, anything that you do with awareness is a form of meditation.
So the question is why I try again?
Probably, I feel that the set and setting is also very important. With this experience, I should have done it with someone who I feel could hold space for me (allowing me to be completely myself without any judgment/blame) or perhaps just simply by myself. I should have never gone against my intuition. But again, it's all lessons.
Also, will I try other psychedelics?
Perhaps, given that my mind is so curious and I'm a writer and a spirit junkie. I do want to explore different psychedelics so I can write about my experiences. If for instance, ayahuasca does come up in my life, I will perhaps also give it a go (if I feel the moment was right).
Love, Peace & Bliss