My Beyond Powerful Ayahuasca Experience in the Amazon Jungle
Here I am, lying on my bed in Melbourne, staring at the ceiling and also the oversized mandala tapestry hanging on my wall, gazing into a mystical state, seeing the patterns of the mandala starts moving, circling and expanding, seeing visions, waves of energy, with icaros (South American indigenous medicine songs) playing in the background, like I'm again on a psychedelic trip, except this time with no intake of anything.
I know my body is here in my bedroom, my spirit, however, is still somewhere else. My heart is perhaps still left in the Amazon jungle, with the sacred plant called Mama Ayahuasca.
I arrived in Australia yesterday, only in less than twenty-four hours. I cleared custom with a temporary passport, as I was robbed on my first night in Lima, lost everything, literally everything valuable - money, passport, credit cards, laptop, mobile, iPad, goddess books… (mama Ayahuasca's initiation into non-attachment and fearless living). I was only briefly explaining the situation of the robbery, the custom officer only briefly asked me what do I do, I said yoga teacher (it would perhaps be too much work to explain if I say tantra or sacred feminine teacher) and he jokingly asked if he could get fit by doing yoga and I replied yes, also commented it would be very good for peace of mind. He laughed and teased me for being brave travelling alone to South America. He let me in the country with no problem, not even bothering examining the police report (which I took a lot of effort to obtain in the Lima police station and also had a lawyer from Lima helping me to translate into English). Again, the Universe reconfirms that there is really no worries in anything. I feel grateful for the kindness of mama Australia. It indeed feels like home, no matter how many times I have left.
When I got back home, a sense of physical exhaustion started to kick in. I was having a brief chat with a friend on Facebook, feeling super sensitive and emotional. In hindsight, it was probably not a good idea, perhaps best for me to be in isolation while I'm still trying to integrate this powerful experience, although I still feel like doing workshops (I have one coming up this weekend), I also feel I can't overwork too much. I need as much time for myself as possible to integrate everything I've experienced over the past three weeks.
Three weeks may sound like a short time, but I felt I had the most mind-altering, heart-expanding and life-changing adventure of a lifetime or many lifetimes. My spirit was traversing many realms, many dimensions and many lifetimes. My physical body was also constantly on the go, switching between big cities, to the sacred valley in Peru, to the Inca mountains, to the Amazon jungle, to the Ucayali river, to the Huacachina desert... Travelling from the sky to the earth, from the water, to the desert (literally)...
It was indeed an adventure of many lifetimes! I don't know why I always have the tendency to be in a rush - the desire to see everything, to experience everything and to cram everything in such a short time... which I do not recommend for anyone who wants to experience Ayahuasca in the Amazon jungle, if you can, do take plenty of time out for yourself, to first prepare for the trip, and to take a lot of time to integrate the most powerful and profound experience you will perhaps ever experience in your lifetime. If I go to the Amazon jungle in the near future (which I'm sure I will), I will perhaps stay at least one month in the jungle, perhaps even three months, so I have ample time to integrate everything, to avoid long-distance travelling in such a short period of time.
I have already had many adventures since my journey of awakening five years ago, been to India numerous times, staying under the foothills of the Himalaya mountain, also been to Nepal, also travelling in Iran, going to underground Sufi gatherings in Iran, and Sufi pilgrimage in Turkey...
I feel almost every experience can be turned into a book. But still, there is nothing even come close of what I have experienced with mama Ayahuasca in the Amazon jungle. And I know whatever I experienced cannot be described in words. Truth is always unfathomable, unspeakable, it is way way beyond words. The limitation of words is particularly apparent when it comes to describing an experience with mama Ayahuasca. But my mind still wants to capture if even perhaps 3% of the experience in words. And I know this sharing will perhaps help people who are preparing their journey with mama Ayahuasca and who are curious about plant medicine but maybe a bit of afraid to take the leap, so I still want to share everything.
In fact, when I was waiting at the airport for transit in Santiago Chile, I channelled a whole novel about my experience in Peru in two hours. I really hope this novel will come into manifestation very soon, at divine timing.
So first of all, how did I hear about Ayahuasca?
Last year I was kind of seeing this karmic soulmate, who belongs to my soul family but we were only together for a very short period to help each other grow and learn. He told me about his lifechanging ayahuasca experience in the Amazon jungle in Peru and I became quite intrigued and extremely curious. Later on, I also heard about ayahuasca from many spiritual friends who had done it and had all reported very positive and transformative experience.
Ayahuasca ceremonies have become quite a trend in spiritual communities. You can also find ayahuasca ceremonies everywhere, in many countries, particularly among spiritual communities. I had many chances I could participate in Ayahuasca ceremonies, in Australia, in Thailand... However, deep down in my intuition, I know that I would only want to do it in the Amazon. There is something very stubborn about me. If I really want to learn and understand something, I want to go to the source of where it is coming from, and I always want to learn it with the best in the field, at all costs.
So my reckless soul took me to the Amazon and I connected with one of the most powerful shamans on the planet. I am very grateful in hindsight that I follow my intuition and go to the home and heart of the medicine and experienced Ayahuasca under the guidance of one of the most experienced shamans.
Perhaps a few word about how I connected with my shaman Maestra Ynes Sanchez: One month ago before my trip, I told the Universe please give me the best shaman on the planet in the Amazon jungle so I can experience ayahuasca under his/her guidance. Two nights later, while I was dancing and listening to some music in my room, this shamanic song came up on Spotify and I felt so connected to the song, I was already tripping (again with nothing on), I was dancing, singing, making sounds I never knew I could make, I had powerful visions of seeing myself in the jungle, dancing under the full moon, celebrating with some shamans, and also drumming, feeling the presence of the Maya Goddess Ixchel. I realised how powerful this song was so I immediately looked up the artist (Ixchel Prisma) and on her website, she mentioned that she had spent many years studying the magic of herbalism with the Shipibo tribe of the Peruvian Amazon, under her teacher, Maestra Ynes Sanchez. That was it, I knew she would also be my shaman. So we connected energetically through the spiritual realm.
I feel grateful that I can experience ayahuasca under a female healer, as it is said mama Ayahusca carries the strong divine feminine spirit, so it is good to be under the guidance of female healers. Also Interestingly, almost all the spiritual teachers who had a big influence on me are females, kudos to all female spiritual teachers and healers on the planet for spreading their wisdom).
After finishing my retreat in the Sacred Valley, I travelled to the Amazonian city of Pucallpa, and went to the ayahuasca centre straight. By the way, our retreat at the Sacred Valley was amazing, we did a wide range of healing arts include Temazcal ceremony - traditional indigenous sweat lodge, reiki, yoga, sacred feminine & tantric practices, we also paid a spiritual pilgrimage to Manchu Picchu during the spring equinox and full moon portal (you can view more photos on my facebook). I will definitely bring groups to the Sacred Valley again in the near future. Cusco is beyond beautiful and magical.
When I first met my shaman Maestra Ynez, we kissed. It was a heart connection from the soul, there was an instant sense of familiarity. I felt I had come home. And I knew no doubt that I was in very very good hands, with one of the most experienced healers who offer the service from the heart.
I feel that it is tremendously important to do ayahuasca under experienced shaman. This is because ayahuasca is, in essence, a plant medicine, it is not really a recreational drug (although some people may use it for recreational purpose, that is not what it is here for). Also, I had no idea how powerful and potent Ayahuasca could be - when you are so open and vulnerable, anything can happen, so it is most important to be under the guidance of experienced shamans, who are real doctors. But rest assured it should always be a very safe experience if your intention is pure and you are in good hands. These shamans are powerful energy workers and gatekeepers of the other realm, they know exactly what's wrong with you, and thus can use the medicine to heal you.
Also before the ceremony, it is important to prepare yourself for the ceremony, to be on a strict diet (no pork, no sex - thoughts of any kind including masturbation, no meat, no seafood, no drug & alcohol). If you have time and want to go to the upper-level work of Ayahuasca, then I would recommend you to try out master plan dieta, a minimum two-week program, and you will be put under strict diet through the entire period.
I really see the reasons why they are doing this and why a strict diet is important - it helps you to purify your physical and mental bodies, so one can be most receptive to the healing power of mama Ayahuasca and experience the most potent and profound spiritual experience with this sacred plant medicine.
This time I only spent one week at the centre. In hindsight, I wish I spent longer so I can dive even deeper (perhaps minimum two weeks in the future).
1) First Ceremony: Meet & Greet with Mama Ayahuasca
There were only two of us in the first ceremony, as my friend and I were one day late so the other people already had their ceremony the night before. In hindsight, I felt extremely grateful my first ceremony was with only one other person in a beautiful setting. As I had no idea I could be so loud in the ceremony. Later on, the facilitator told me my energy was so powerful that it filled the entire maloca (and definitely also affected the other person's journey).
It is better not to do ayahuasca ceremony with too many people if one wants to go very deep and internal, as other people's energies could affect your journey and you might be distracted by what others are going through.
We were told to have an intention before the ceremony, so I asked mama Ayahuasca to show me full love and light, to show me enlightenment. I have a strong intuition that this will be my last lifetime on this earthly existence, and I feel I could finish all the work I suppose to do in this lifetime and enlightenment is what I'm here for (not in an egoistic sense).
The drink was not so tasty (but also wasn't as bad as I imagined it to be), and it was also a lot thicker than I expected. To me, it tasted like thick Chinese oyster sauce...dark brown in colour. After the shaman's singing and praying to the medicine, we were invited to take our drink.
I drank it, slowly at first, a bit conscious but also fully trusting. Then after half an hour, the shamans started to sing icaros (the medicinal song) and that was when the effect started to kick in.
The reality shifted instantly. Everything becomes so high definition, high dimension that you question if you are still in this world, but you know you are immediately being transported to the other realm, the higher realm of existence.
And very soon I lost control of all my physical sensations, my body died (at least it felt like that way). I felt I experienced another near-death experience, or death, really it was the death of my ego which tries to control. Ayahuasca gives me no chance to control anything. I was "dead" but also fully conscious, fully aware of what I was going through. I did not resist. I surrendered to everything. I knew a part of my was dying, and it was my ego, the part that wanted to control. So it was beautiful to witness the death, to allow mama Ayahuasca to peel all the layers…and I had very powerful visions, seeing a field of green, also the pattern of icaros, with owls, animals... the visions are almost impossible to describe in words, just something very beautiful, divine and otherworldly.
Slowly I felt my body, my face has become Pachamama, mother earth. I felt vines on my face, animals, owls, butterflies on my face, exactly like what some of the visionary artists' paintings.
After the “I” died, there was only pure consciousness. I returned to pure innocence and merged into oneness with Pachamama, I became mother earth and mother earth became me. I was in oneness with everything. And slowly I heard the spirit started talking through me -
"The Secret of the Universe is Love. The highest healing power is Love. All of Universe is made up of Love. Love is everything. Love is what we are here for. Everything is Love. Love is all. All is Love."
During the ceremony, I also laughed hysterically, cried hysterically and at some point perhaps also screamed (but all in very good ways - releasing).
What I feel Ayahuasca does to me is that it completely cracks me open, with a total open heart to emit unconditional love. Unconditional love for all things and all beings.
I have no choice but to love because the secret of the Universe is love. Love is what we are here for. Our souls have the desire to evolve into unconditional love.
On the first ceremony, Ayahuasca also showed me my shadow self and exactly where I might have made some mistakes in the past and how I should do amends (shadow side). Also powerful visions and powerful feeling of Oneness with all beings, unconditional love for all beings.
I was also feeling the presence of a Chinese Goddess called the Queen Mother of the West - mostly associate with Taoism, she represents prosperity, longevity and eternal bliss. I didn't know why she was with me the whole time during the ceremony. She said firmly I was her and I had no doubt of that, particularly during that ceremony. Her spirit was all over me. To be honest, I wasn't very familiar with this Goddess in this reality until I googled her after the ceremony. I just knew that she was there the whole time.
In general, my first ayahuasca experience was very profound, powerful and magical like nothing else. I felt I was so connected to the Divine. I felt I was the creator of the Universe and there was nothing I couldn't do.
It felt like a spiritual rebirth.
2) The Second Ceremony: Releasing
The second ceremony happened the night after, and the dose was relatively low, perhaps the shaman might be worried that two consecutive ceremonies in two nights could be too much for me. So the second ceremony was not as strong and powerful, there were still some visions, but not much.
However, there was still a lot of emotional cleansing happening. I was crying for a few good hours. I experienced the pain of many people, the pain of Pachamama, and the pain of the environment (why do we do things to harm our mother earth?). I felt different people were crying on me, including my mother, my father, past lovers, friends, soul families... I was feeling the pain of many and also helping them to release in a way... I felt this what because I felt oneness with everything and everyone, hence I could perceive others’ pains. It was quite a strong emotional cleansing on many levels. And I became hypersensitive and hyperemotional.
Ayahuasca also makes me feel tremendously aligned. Since I came out from the second ceremony, I quickly made amends and said sorry to the people whom I think my words and actions might have affected or hurt them in one way or another. I even said I love you to a few people because I really felt so. To me, it doesn’t matter about their responses. It was all about that I did what my soul felt right to do. And the unconditional love is always from within. (But again, in hindsight, one perhaps should not even send any messages or interact with the "real world" during the ceremony, one should take time to integrate the powerful experience, then interact with the "real world" after)
The next day we had a group sharing. I realised that my experience was very individual and unique. Everyone's journey was so different and not everyone experience unconditional love or bliss, some people also had a difficult time and even some dark journeys. But rest assured that it is still very good for you - all the vomiting and purging - it is to help you to release all negative energy and things you have been holding on for this lifetime or even many lifetimes… whatever you have experienced, the longer you take time to integrate, the more you will understand. And remember everything is here to help you grow.
I also told shamans about my general positive experience of unconditional love, oneness with the Universe… and they commented that I’m very healthy, spiritually, physically and emotionally, so there was nothing that need to be healed - I was happy to hear that :)
3) The Third Ceremony - Enlightenment
The third ceremony was the most powerful one after all the releasing of previous ones. I awakened to the totality of whom I am. I knew about my past lives and exactly why I’m here. I was also speaking like a shaman because I knew one of my past lives I was a shaman in Peru. When one experienced that kind of reality/dimension, one would not be attached to anything in this earthly existence.
Ayahuasca also takes me straight to the Brahman, the enlightened state of consciousness. I have been asking mama ayahuasca to help me drop all fears and show me enlightenment and it showed me. I know I have been here for a thousand years, coming from the soul lineage of goddesses and high priestesses, and this is my last lifetime on earth, as a bodhisattva to serve humanity, to help humanity to accelerate awakening.
When one experienced the union with the Ultimate Truth and be in One with Source energy, one would not be attached to anything on this earthly plane.
I understand that I am simply here to play, to enjoy, understanding that all is a grand illusion (Ayahuasca makes this extremely tangible - if one has any doubt about the illusion of this reality and reincarnation - then go and take ayahuasca, you will know what I mean).
I feel words are too limitless and powerless to describe what I experienced. Also, this cannot be comprehended or grasped simply by the mind. One must experience to know.
For all genuine spiritual seekers, I highly recommend all to try ayahuasca. And I also feel it’s important to do it under the guidance of the right shamans, especially for beginners, also try to do it for at least one or two weeks (not one day). Because each ceremony you will experience different things, the more you do it, the more you come to understand and have time to integrate the experience properly (but also not overdoing it). Everything in moderation.
4) Integration - The Most Important Step
I feel integration is perhaps the most important step when it comes to healing (not less important than before and during the ceremony). On many levels, I feel healing has just happened when I come back to this reality and it will take a lot of time and effort to integrate this most powerful experience on this realm, to bring everything I learn back to this lower dimensional reality, to not be affected by the frequency in this reality.
It is almost impossible to be back to the old life when one has a powerful experience like this, that is why, after ayahuasca most people make big life changes, such as ditching the jobs they hate, break up from toxic relationships or start a new relationship... For me, I felt my life pre- Ayahuasca was also relatively aligned, I'm doing my soul work, but I also see many new visions manifesting and also the Divine tells me to take even more fearless steps in embodying my truth. So I feel that this is what I will do.
I also feel that after ayahuasca my heart becomes so open I almost want to say I love you to everyone I meet... but when one comes back to this reality, it’s perhaps better to contain this energy within as others who may not be on the same vibration (who did not had three Ayahuasca ceremonies in one week) may find you acting “too intense” or too much... although this is what you experience as normal in the other reality.
Although I do have the tendency to speak out loud, perhaps the urge to stand on top of the roof and wanting to scream to everyone about the enlightening experience I had, and how everyone must go and try ayahuasca (my mum who did not like travelling, after hearing my experience, also wanted to come with me next time)... It is good to share the experience, but I feel best to share with people who are open to it, and my lesson for integration has been to best retain everything within so to better ground this energy in this lower dimensional reality, to conceal the superpower a bit and “act normal”.
But also don’t act out of fear, act out of love. I feel after I came out of the final ceremony (I did an intense energetic cleansing on my fears under the full moon while tripping), I can finally drop all fears and can finally live without fears, to live in the frequency of unconditional love.
This is what I will do from now on as mama Ayahuasca really leaves me with no choice. To vibrate unconditional love and to live without fears.
I’m also planning to start Spirit Plant Medicine conference in Melbourne to help more people understand the benefits of plant medicine (unlike what it is commonly told by the conventional society), and integration of this tremendously powerful healing plant in our everyday reality.
If you have experiences with ayahuasca or other plant medicine and also tips for integration, feel free to share and comment.
I have also created a facebook group for people who have experienced (or interested in) ayahuasca or other plant medicine to share resources, experiences and tips for integration. If you feel the called, do join :)