A Writer's Struggle

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I know I have many books within me. They talked to me, sometimes during the middle of the night, the characters and stories haunted me during my dreams. Inspiration came knocking on my door when I least expected... Imagination took me to the faraway land, unconfined by time and space, with infinite possibilities...

Poetry, sci-fi extraterrestrial fanfiction, spiritual love story, spiritual memoir, short stories and even erotica(!)... 

The problem is (or if that's really a problem), I started one project then quickly jumped to the next when the next inspiration came...chasing the next inspiration, afraid that it might leave me... and a few days later when I woke up feeling again inspired by something new, I would then jump on to the third... immersing myself in the newfound territory. Only two weeks later when I looked back one afternoon, suddenly remembered the first project I started but left hanging...I would then guiltily opened that file on my lap...staring at it innocently... not knowing exactly what to do - shall I continue with this new novel or the first one I had started but briefly abandoned...

There's no organization, no pattern in how I work... Spontaneity is my hallmark, but I've realised when it comes to something the magnitude of a novel, some discipline is required... if you are too spontaneous, then you may never finish a book (or it may take you years). 

It's not that I don't want to be organized... the thing is if I become too organized I would lose all my passion and inspiration (I would feel like I'm working at an office again... following rules...).

I don't like to be organized, I like to be spontaneous. I've also contemplated why I'm like that when it comes to writing - why some writers are more of a one bone dog, but I'm the greedy dog wanting to take on several bones at the same time. 

It seems I'm like that all the time, not just in my writing but also in my life - always changing careers (lawyer, entrepreneur, yoga teacher, now poet & writer...), changing places, changing lovers, never settling down. It seems I just can't stay in one place too long, my feet would grow itchy, and I feel I wanted to move again, moving to a new place and only to come back later to appreciate the old one... 

These itchy feet of mine seem to extend to my hands too when it comes to writing... I started project A, without finishing, moving onto project B, without finishing, moving onto project C, without finishing then moving back to project A again...

I'm currently working on three or four projects at the same time... it's getting a bit out of control and I'm not certain if I could finish all of them... perhaps I should focus on one project first but then which one to choose? They all do dear to me... I can't choose (I'm a libra...that would be my excuse to justify my indecisiveness sometimes)...

Sigh, what to do? 

I will probably let the Universe decide for me. The answer will hopefully reveal itself as time goes by.

For now, I will march forward with my struggles...

Anjali Love