The Beauty of Tantric Sex
How to Make Love for the More Evolved
“Tantra is the only science which teaches you the expression of sex – not as indulgence, but as a spiritual discipline … transformation of a biological phenomenon into spirituality.”
Once you start walking on the path of consciousness, it is only natural that you will apply it to every aspect your life, whether it is your diet, the clothes you choose to wear, the people you interact with, the career you choose, your relationship, and of course, in lovemaking.
You want to be a fully conscious and awakened being, not just half-awakened. And you know in every day of your life, there are always choices that you can to contribute to your awakening process.
Our reality is essentially made up of all the choices we make. When you think you have no choice, think again. There are always choices.
We can choose what we put into our mouth and body – animal carcasses and junk food or healthy and nutritious vegetables. We can choose what we wear – animal skins or cruelty-free clothes. And of course, we can choose the kind of relationship we want to have and how we want to make love, whether it is unconscious monkey sex that is so prevalent in pornography or fully conscious spiritual tantric sex.
Sex and spirituality do not have to be separated. Many religions have abandoned sex, this is unnecessary. In my opinion, it is often harmful to ignore, deny and repress our sexuality as it is against the human nature and mother nature!
For God's sake, we human beings are the very products of sexual activities, so is every other creature in nature, so how can sex be a sin? Sex is not only not a sin, but it is extremely sacred and divine, and it should be enjoyed fully. Of course, over-indulgence in sex will not help us on the path to realization.
Tantra teaches a middle way - to avoid the extremes and to work intelligently with our vital energy. (please note that Tantra denotes the esoteric traditions of Hinduism and Buddhism and tantric sex is only a small part of Tantra, but let's just focus on tantric sex in this article.)
The sexual energy is a powerful energy. The more we understand our sexuality, the more we can channel it towards spiritual evolution.
Tantric sex can help us to transform the sexual energy into spiritual energy. If you are on the path of consciousness but still have not given tantric sex a go, then it is time to start exploring the area of conscious lovemaking,
From my experience, I can assure you there is a WORLD OF DIFFERENCE between regular sex and tantric sex. And the more you walk on the path of Tantra, the less you will be interested in regular sex. In fact, you may even get turned off easily when you encounter regular sex, and it doesn't matter how hot is the other party! You see, it is not about the physical, it is all about energy.
Tantric sex brings the aspect of consciousness into lovemaking. It is essentially lovemaking plus meditation. It is from sex to spirit, it feels like souls are making love, not just the physical bodies, and it is not energetically depleting, but recharging, deeply healing and empowering.
So, in this article, I want to share some tantric sex tips that will help you feel much more connected to your partner on a soul level in lovemaking and enhance your love life a hundredfold.
1. Set up the ambience.
You don't want to make love in a messy room on a dirty bed with a greasy sheet... this may sound hot in an American teen movie, but we are not teenagers here, we are conscious adult beings, so please, put a little bit of effort to set up the ambience.
Tantra treats sex as a sacred practice and you want this sacred practice to be conducted in a sacred space as well, not in a dirty and messy environment.
Lighting some candles, burning incense, putting on relaxing tantric sex music (playlists on Spotify). Also both partners should take a shower before lovemaking like you are about to enter into a sacred temple, a sacred union. For goodness sake, you are about to have a cosmic, orgasmic mind-blowing orgasmic tantric sex!
2. Foreplay, foreplay and foreplay!
Foreplay is an essential part of tantric sex. Let me just rephrase that - foreplay is an essential part of amazing sex, period! Regular sex tends to rush through this part or even skip it and goes straight into penetration - this is a BIG NO-NO!!!
The woman's body requires much longer time to be stimulated and to be fully aroused, so make sure you spend enough time in foreplay. I think twenty minutes to half an hour should be quite standard.
If you don't know what to do in foreplay, here are some recommendations:
Eye-gazing is extremely powerful to bring you into the present and to connect with your partner on a deeper level. It is highly recommended. Both of you can face each other by sitting cross-legged (the woman can also sit on top of the man) and gazing into each other’s eyes. While you are eye-gazing, also mentally sending love to each other, seeing the divine in each other (transfiguration of a God and a Goddess).
A five-minute eye-gazing will help you to establish a much stronger connection with your partner, physically, emotionally and spiritually. It will also help to heighten your level of awareness, to prepare you into conscious lovemaking.
Full-body massage (and Yoni massage!)
‘People have become very touchy about touch’. It is a sad fact that many people never get quality touch their entire lives even though it is a profound human need.' - Osho
I absolutely love this one! The human touch is powerful and deeply healing. A full body massage can help relax our body and mind deeply, and open ourselves up to a whole new level.
After a full body massage, you can also give her a yoni massage (yoni is the Sanskrit word for vagina), this will definitely guarantee a better lovemaking session. The woman can also give a full-body massage and a lingam massage to the man (lingam is the Sanskrit word for penis). You can learn about all these massages by watching YouTube, to read books or learn from workshops!
When you are giving the massages, make sure you are fully present, don't just rush it, be patient and be generous. Tantric sex is not goal oriented, it is all about giving.
There are many different things you can explore with your partner in foreplay, so be creative.
2) During lovemaking
Be spontaneous, can also express your preference to your partner (especially if the partner is relatively new, s/he may not understand your body quite well). And if s/he does something you don't like, be honest and say so. For instance, I hate spanking and if my new partner doesn't know and spanks me, I will have to be honest and tell him I don't like it (I do not find it in any way erotic and arousal - contrary to how it is often portrayed in pornography. I find spanking rather offensive – maybe it reminded me of being spanked/punished as a little girl – Asian parenting! lol). Once you get to understand each other better, then lovemaking will become much more fluid.
Remaining a witness throughout the entire process, whether it is in foreplay, during the intercourse and the afterplay. As long as you remain a witness, then you are in meditation.
Also, do not make orgasm a goal. Although you want to orgasm, try to let go of your expectations, and it is actually much easier to achieve orgasm that way. Relax, there is no need to rush.
In Tantra, there is an important practice called "semen retention" for men. It is a practice of separating orgasm from ejaculation (yes, men can also have multiple orgasms without ejaculating, like women:)).
Semen is an essential life force, thus by retaining the semen men can have higher energy and transfer this energy - the Chi, to support the brain and central nervous system. Men can also feel more empowered and creative in life, his sexual experience and relationship can be enhanced.
Ancient philosophies and medical practices from Asia and India have long claimed that semen retention leads to better health and longer life. If you want to find out more about this, you can read the book 'Multi-orgasmic Men' by the Taoist master Mantak Chi.
Yes, there is afterplay too! The afterplay is just as important as any phase of sex. If both of you orgasms together, then that's tremendously beautiful (relatively rare though from my experience), if your partner orgasm but you did not, that is also fine too (Tantric sex is not goal-oriented, and there is always another time).
However, it is crucial that after orgasm, partners should never separate too quickly. Nothing turns a woman off more than a man, after orgasm, quickly pulls out and go to the bathroom to "wash off" or fall asleep instantly (That is just UNACCEPTABLE - seriously I've met men like that and I could actually become furious. I might not express it out loud but the fire was definitely burning inside and I believe a lot of women feel the same too).
Not to have afterplay is simply ignorant and utterly unsatisfying and unfulfilling in lovemaking. Apart from the major orgasm most people experience, there are actually valley orgasms, and afterplay serves exactly that.
Afterplay helps to strengthen the emotional and spiritual bonds between the partners. Both parties should still remain close together, witnessing the sexual energy dissipates slowly. Kisses, caresses and cuddles should still be there (even a nice massage if you are up for it), especially if the other party did not orgasm (generally the woman), then make sure you put in a bit more effort in the afterplay, don't just end it so abruptly, as the woman may still be quite aroused. The woman's body takes longer to heat up and it also takes longer to cool down.
Despite all the tips I’ve mentioned above, real Tantra is actually not technique oriented (although knowing the basics can no doubt help you to enhance your experience). Tantra is all about love and genuine connection. If both you and your partner are conscious and on a similar level, Tantric sex should be very natural and spontaneous, and it is tremendously beautiful.
Another thing I have noticed is that if you and the other party have very different levels of consciousness, then you may still not feel as connected even if you have employed all the above-mentioned techniques (that is why Tantra is not really about techniques). This is because consciousness cannot really be taught in bed, it is developed through our everyday practice, and each person’s awakening process is very individual, and there are many levels of awakening.
Okay, one may not always have the luxury of having a tantric sex partner, so what to do? No worries, if you currently don’t have a partner, learn to become your own tantric sex partner.
There should be no shame in regular self- pleasure. Learning to please and love yourself is the very first step towards Tantra. It is healthy and empowering. When you understand how yourself and how your body works, then you would know much better when another person is involved, how both of you can attain mutually satisfying and fulfilling experience.
A healthy sex life leads to a happier life. When the sexual energy is blocked or impeded, not only is our sexual expression affected – our whole life force is diminished and scattered.
I believe bliss is our true nature; whether it is in life or in bed, bliss does not need to be compromised. And women, your unleashed sexuality is the gateway towards your higher potential, so do not give in or give up so easily, trust that you deserve the best in all aspects of your life.
My recommended resources on Tantra and tantric sex:
1) Osho’s Books on Tantra
2) Osho Talks on Tantra & Sex
1) Layla Martin’s YouTube Channel for practical tantric sex techniques
2) Mantak Chia's books:
- the Multi-orgasmic Woman
- the Multi-orgasmic Man
- the Multi-orgasmic Couple
There are many good tantric resources out there and if you know any, feel free to share in the comment below too :)
Love, peace & bliss :)